We feel more or less like this post doesn’t need a introduction, as nothing we write will ever be as good as the subject we chose to write about today. Zlatan. No one says it quite like him, so we’re just gonna let him do his thing. You’re welcome.
“Zlatan doesn’t do auditions” – Zlatan almost secured a move to arsenal when he was only 17 years old, playing at Swedish club Malmø, and the club even had a shirt made up with his name on the back. The one spanner in the works? Arsene Wenger wanted him to do a trial.
“I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere” – We for sure would have liked to see a team of only Zlatan’s.
“Absolutely not. I have ordered a plane. It is much faster” – Zlatan was displeased when asked about a rumour he had bought a Porsche.
“I can’t help but laugh at how perfect I am” – Zlatan is capable of seeing the funny side.
“One thing is for sure, a World cup without me is nothing to watch” – Zlatan’s Sweden were beaten by Portugal in the play-offs for the Brazil World Cup, a tournament that is clearly beneath us without the presence of true greatness.
“What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange” – Zlatan pouts back after John Carew insolently suggested that some of his skills were ‘pointless’.
“Nothing. She already has Zlatan” – Zlatan ponders what the appropriate birthday gift is for the wife who has everything.
“We’re looking for an apartment. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel” – Zlatan on his painful struggle to find a new house in Paris.
“I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or in kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house” – Zlatan know the appropriate ways to play with fire, unlike Mario Balotelli.
“If anything, the children of Paris should be giving me even more money for having the privilege of being in the same city as my incredible quality. And so should David Beckham. Call it a Zlaritable donation” – We certainly approve of this.
For more Zlatan, see bets on Sunday’s Manchester United vs Watford game here.